It takes time for things to heal admittedly, but I have to say that alot of this mindfulness and new age bullshit is exactly that…bullshit. It is an industry just like all the other crap that we seem to buy into, that earns dollars and rarely really has a true concern for our needs…without an agenda…C’est la vie?
Why do we as a reasonably intelligent, or is that questionable, people accept that? Is it because we dont seem to have a moral compass anymore..one that used to be influenced religion? Or similar?
It’s taken me some time. I have evolved past the yank 1..the life beyond him…one… I had a couple of years and as I read previously at the end of time with yank 2 which now seems eons ago another period of time where I felt like I needed to be with these men. I could not be complete without them, or so it seemed. Reality now. I am very much a strong and confident individual without these men that I thought were the be all and end all of life. You see, I bought into the mantra of society that if I did not have a committed partner I had a problem.
WELL FUCK THAT…I now realise this is a myth constructed by religion and a mentality that can not see beyond a paradigm or archaic construct that I no longer want to be a part of. If you are in a happy committed relationship I am happy for you, but do not put that expectation on me. You do not have that right. If I choose to live a free life then that is my right.
You just need to see beyond the construct of our previous shackles and mentality….you really do.
So after my soapbox speech, this is what is going on with me…LOL.. bear in mind I am several whiskeys to the wind right now. Several…
When I got back from that wonderful trip to Chicago and Tennessee, and it was wonderful, and I will not forget the wonderful time I had with yank 2, and at that time he was amazing and I cannot fault him at that time and I am grateful for the amazing time we had and I will never forget it.
What happened after that, well, it was mainly my fault, I was insecure and vindictive I admit. And I am not proud of it but it put an end to us an I am sad it happened that way.
But he suggested the time and distance and it worked. I struggled but over time I let go. Which I think he knew and wanted. I dont blame him.
I did drunk dial him a number of times after, and he ignored me. I dont blame him for that also although I think a big man would have the courage to be friends. He was not.
So now; I have been dating three different men. Well I was prior to writing this. But the adventures I wish I had written about…oh my lord. Another three characters: boring, Italian and dreadlocks boy. Oh dear god..
I am to tired for this right now…temporary… oh geez.. I need to sleep..work in the morning. I have been in my job for almost a year and a half and I am grateful for the stability but I need to investigate a different career…something that soothes my soul…perhaps writing…to be continued..