Yes, it is midweek. And following on from earlier I am slightly blitzed…but happy and loving…why is it that at my …best..no one is here to see it?
Ohhh yehh..ARS (Atlanta Rythym Section) ” I am sooo into you.”..love so much of this American music of old..ok its not that old..I have some fantastic actual older stuff..blues etc Son House..Grinning in your face..my god America the blessed in terms of its music..yet some of it comes from oppression and pain..it is still…remarkable. ..and I am a loyal fan.
I am happy right now, alcohol does it, alcohol and music does it. It is an escape, a very happy escape. It was my solace from a fucking brutal childhood, maybe not so much physically although that was there too in its various forms. But psychologically…
But you can’t wear that as a badge of excuse all your life. That’s just making excuses.
You need to choose not to be a victim. I am so mired in victim mode..even from relationships. I have dated so many f*/%€£ duds..selfish arrogant bastards..its all I kinda feel comfortable with.
We are all patterned by our environment.
But we can choose to break that patterning. I realized that the other day when Yank number 2 asked me via Skype type because my Skype isn’t working properly to phone him “phone me”..he was drunk and then proceeded to tell me about his dinner with a woman who has always had a thing about him..he is moving in with her to help her with the rent on her condo…bit its OK..because she has a man she is seeing so..that is the proviso..because he is not interested. …hmmm
Am I dumb?
No. My radar is highly tuned, but I am interested in how this story unfolds ..I am going to write that fucking novel very very shortly. ..man do I have some fodder. .
He is, however, intriguing in other ways. Entertaining even. And I do think there is an element of genuineness.
Believe me. I am highly aware these days after the aftermath of JOE..
I often wonder if he realized that he was bloody tapped. But I will always remember that beautiful young man he was…an officer (!) and a gentleman..if only for that period of life. And wonder what happened to change him to that extent…sad.
I have a thing for yankee men it seems. Poor ‘the good one’ local Italian boy said “what is this thing you have for yanks, aren’t Australian men good enough?”
I can’t answer that. Except for the fact that they seem to fake ‘gentleman’ and ‘romance’ a tad better than Aussie blokes.
In all fairness..a man is a man..if he actually is capable of being a man..no matter what nationality.
Aye carumba. .I am too
to continue this rant right now…
To be continued. ….ahhh..bloomin WordPress app where is the publish button on my phone ..sheesh