I am on a train into the City I have become to loathe. The sky jas am amazing the ‘Simpsons ‘ hue and view about it..am I that fucking bored?!
I woke this morning with full intention of making a decision. The right one. But Yank number 2 had asked to Skype with me today and as I woke with indifference in my gut as most days lately I thought ‘oh fuck’ maybe he is THE ONE…haha
Are you ever supposed to get that belt in the stomach. ..of the one?
I though Joe eas the one and he managed to elicit feelings in me I never thought possible yet at the point of contact. ..it fell painfully short. When he kissed me I remember thinking of a lizard. ..what a bamboozling experience. I was by all intents and purposes made in love with this inept freaking narcissist that somehow destroyed my heareat. Where was my head and heart at?
I have had several very heavy doses of reality in the last couple of years
After my failed skype yet phone call long to him today…yank 2..I realized that I am now finally firmly in touch with a part of me I never knew…my essence.
That although I feel a connection with this man, when I listen to him I cannot but help judge him by past history and a feeling ..hello. ..I have heard it before. ..the me…me me…
I don’t want to go there again…I messaged my ex lover…the ‘good one’.. he seems engaged because I know in essence he is a physical being like I and we will probably meet..and fuck..even clandestinely…but ultimately my soul cries out for the one that matches me…is he there?
Live and whitelightxxx