“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope” – Martin Luther King Jnr
Things are challenging right now. Yesterday again I went to a last minute interview in response to a phone call late the evening before, for a very early am interview and I had been having a glass of wine that afternoon. (Maybe several! through boredom and frustration and trying to stave off profound disappointment leading to sadness again NOT depression NEVER AGAIN but true sadness because things are YUK right now from a living point of view as well as personal, even though I have been trying my arse off to improve things…I know I am not the only one; we are now in record unemployment in this city, the one trick pony that is Perth, and I did commit professional suicide through my misguided and misdirected love for the yank and my subsequent depression/breakdown, but I am having to summon up strength and courage after the year that has been and it isn’t always easy, but as I keep saying lately after doing the work my mind is now pretty strong).
That was the song post day. So yesterday the interview went well but late yesterday again I was told they had gone with the other person (there were 3 of us apparently) and this seems to be happening alot. It is an employer’s market, extremely competitive and they have you running back and forth at the drop of a hat for no result, and that is difficult for me at present because I have no car anymore and it is a 1 &1/2 hour commute one way and then the same back…3 hours added to whatever you do, because I can not afford to move closer to the city right now and even if I could I am restricted to finding a place that is easily accessible for my eldest son with NBIA (degenerative disorder) (no stairs, preferably ground level or an elevator) when he visits.
But the one thing I am finding is that even though I am straddling the line between taking it personally and saying fuck it! I am able to bring my faith and hope back into it and stay firm in the belief that the right thing will come all of a sudden and with reason. Faith that the universe will provide. It is all about belief and not allowing the negative thoughts to get in and swirl round, well for too long if they happen to!
Why do I go on about this? Because it is an amazing thing to have been at the depths of despair over a prolonged period (and I am not just talking this last year) and at the point where you feel that leaving this life behind is the only option, and to come out of it all and that way of thinking and viewing life and know you may have sad and down times but you will never feel that level of despair and nothingness again. It is a gift in itself and those that have suffered psychologically will understand that.
So apart from the doom and gloom, I have had an interesting few days being back in touch with the ‘good one’ (we have caught up too). He has been there, when I needed to talk and it has been fun and flirty as well. Light, and lovely. So in the midst of it all something good is there to break the monotony.
I am not reading too much into it, it will be what it is meant to be. We’ve remained good friends which is what we said we would and for that I am grateful.
I just got another phone call about possible work to start next week short term, I guess we’ll see. HOPEFUL,
Love and whitelight xx