I am having a crisis of faith right now. I am finding it hard to stay positive and believe when people keep saying ‘good things are coming’ and then I look around…. If I hear anyone say that at this point I would probably be tempted to tell them to ‘go f%#$ themselves’.
Life is not all beer and skittles, I know that. It has ups and downs, and then those ups and downs can be extreme and at times the downs can be relentless.
I keep telling myself ‘there is always someone worse off than you’ ‘keep it in perspective’. I look at my son who I also managed to have another day with yesterday and he struggles to eat, chew, swallow, balance , walk, be free from pain and dystonia, recover from choking because this darned disease has very much taken hold and he struggles everyday to do things, even simple things that many of us including me take for granted.
And then I look at everything going on not only in my life but around me and in the world; like Paris and all I see are the arseholes in this world prevailing and the good people…suffering and struggling. And I say to myself “WHY?” why is there so much imbalance, unfairness and injustice in this world.
Take America for example; there are people admittedly SOME talented and they make a disproportionate amount of money from simply pretending to be someone else (actors), or they sing a song and entertain you for five minutes and wiggle their arses around half naked, or they take prolific photos of themselves and gain a following for just taking a good photo of once again their almost bare arses (think Kardashians)(IE predominantly the narcissists of this world) and they make gazillions and are revered and yet there are people not only in their own country but all over the world that are starving, being displaced, suffering from diseases yet can not get access to medication they need to live IE Charlie Sheen and his access to retro-viral drugs for AIDS and yet millions worldwide and in particular Africa go through painful suffering and death because they simply can not access it. WHY? Survival of the fittest and most admired? Do you have to be narcissistic and self serving to go far in this world?
I am tired of people saying it’s ok, just accept it, stay positive, be mindful, the universe or god will provide. I AM WAITING TO SEE SOME BALANCE IN THIS WORLD. I am trying to create some in my life but I seem to keep banging my head, and I have a conscience, I won’t do things to harm others and I have a soft centre, compassion and empathy…its called a heart.
It is so hard to not lose your faith and will to live amongst it when all you see and hear are arseholes prevailing and good people suffering.
That is all I needed to say today…my energy an outlook on life is low today…I am not depressed, I won’t allow it. I just see things as they are and call it….I don’t live in FAIRY LAND where Glenda the good witch makes everything right with the wave of the wand….it is not reality….