I’m about to have a brain explosion. I had a bit of a conniption the other night after copious amounts of Dry Dirty Martini, boredom and had a tirade on Facebook. Luckily most of my FB friends are loyal and I think mainly understand where I come from when I do that but then again Facebook these days seems a bit like a lonely wasteland…cue dried prickle bushes blowing in the dusty Arizona desert…or crickets!
I’ve spent all morning on my laptop applying for jobs not just in Perth (Cue crickets again!!) but also in Sydney, yes I have decided that if nothing comes up pronto I will move back East as there are far more opportunities over there and I am going to work on my Biz idea in my spare time as I am still trying to refine and fill a few knowledge gaps. I need an income and there is no way you can survive on welfare here (don’t want it anyway, won’t do that!)
I know I need to be patient, I have only just become well again after a killer depression and an almost PTSD from the Narcissist (sounds extreme but apparently you can develop a form of it from narcissistic injury and I had years of it from my dad too so I came to realise that the obsessive return memories were part of that and I had to work my arse off to get to a point where they do not haunt me anymore.) Mum is finally getting better and needing my help less, my son’s illness is always on my mind but I can’t sit and wait for things to just occur. I need to make them happen. Life is too short to sit like a waiting duck……can’t do it anymore..this life has thrown me far too many curve balls, it’s time I start hitting them out of the park!
Sometimes when things seem to be going nowhere it’s hard not to sink into despair. Some of the issues in my life, the derailments stem from things that have been completely out of my control. But there are some things I can.
Right now Perth’s jobs market is bad. The city, is one of the most beautiful places in the world yet it’s heavy reliance on the resource industry makes it a one trick pony. As soon as Mining and resources goes south, as it has now, everything else does. So we alternate between boom and bust but the cost of living pretty much remains on boom because people are greedy here and have no idea about economics. And many then wonder why alot of businesses go bust, unemployment becomes rife and so does dissatisfaction about life here in general. I hate it. But my anchor here has always been my sons, it is so hard to stay here in ridiculously difficult circumstances because you love your kids yet also try make a good life for yourself with a decent job and an affordable place to live and some semblance of a social life. This city is so sprawled it is impossible to catch up with people regularly. Which only adds to the sense of isolation.
Then I struggle with the things I SHOULD do as opposed to the things I want to do, for me, to keep me upright and engaged in life….so after a struggle with that I made the decision to become unstuck by whatever method I must.
Sometimes there is good reason why you seem constantly in reactive mode rather than proactive. You feel overwhelmed and paralysed. You get stuck in fear, negativity and worry and you feel like ‘if only’, if only one thing would change..some chance or opportunity things would become so much better. But the only way you can combat that is to create your own change if it is not happening itself.
I can’t change the events that have occurred it is the past and obsessing too far into the future is a debilitating waste of time. But I can take steps in the now. Focus on what I want and need for my sanity, health and well being. Time to ‘get away from the funk’ .