Hangin on the telephone…just fucking hanging…the old double again?…

Blondie, love that song..”don’t leave me hanging on the telephone”..wouldn’t happen today. It would be don’t fucking message me on Facebook, email, Google, whatsapp, skype, yahoo,myspace, blog,text, IM, EM etc etc..ohh its too much for my feeble brain, especially right now..I am sozzled.

How? Did I get here? Well, a dear friend came to collect me at lunchtime, I could have made a number of excuses that were running through my sad and fed up brain. But something just said, get your arse into gear and go out. Do not isolate.

Th first part of the morning was ommm…lets try get out of this misery you are feeling girl, everything then. Joe yes fucking Joe again, yes FUCKING JOE  fuck you Joe you are an arsehole and do not deserve to even rate a mention but you do you arsehole if you were here right now I would punch you square in the face…although he is arrogant I remember him saying one day in the short time I was there when I actually told him he needed his arse kicked  he said ‘yeh, good luck with that’ when I said I wanted to do it! Seriously, after all his lies I wish I had have punched him, I probably would at least have had a good punch, I have been known to punch the odd man without fear and successfully!! What? A woman can’t?! BS.

Oh god that man, I say arrogant but that is reserved for the young…he is  a dinosaur (looks like Fred Flintstone literally big useless head and all, good technically but fucked otherwise) and therefore it is actually CANTANKEROUS arsewipe bastard head…ooops feeling a tad aggro. It’s the alcohol. Geez. He hurt me, bad. What am I meant to say? Thank you?

And yet..I guess if he were in front of me I would be speechless, just like I was when I was in his house because I could not believe the situation. And, he was very intimidating.

My poor friend today was most considerate. I don’t know how he could listen. And in kindness and care he simply said ‘are you feeling a bit better today? You’ve have had a hard time lately?’

One thing I did get out in the open was the fact that I seem to attract men who want to get physcal but don’t want to stay. Nice, in one way, Joe…he stayed 9 months, this time, albeit long distance. Guess that was easier, and written word is different to action.

As I read this back, alcohol fuelled, I hear a sad, bitter, angry, almost vindictive woman and that is not me.  I don’t think anyone who goes through a relationship breakup..was I in a relationship? Perhaps. Long distance which is hard anyway. But that is not the only issue that needs t be dealt with.

I need to deal with me, Why do I put myself in these situations? Do I? Am I just more open to things than most. Do I trust too easily? Do I believe that a persons word is gold? Is that wrong? Can’t we? There was a time when you could state your intention and shake hands and it would be enough. Sadly, those days are gone.

Going now, going to finish my…god knows how many in the drink line..and I am enjoying music…

Right now;  “Burden in my hand” by Soundgarden…Yes…just a burden in my hand…tomorrow?…

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