I started to write the stuff below and then Bam…I got a text from a man I dated (!) (one of two, outrageous and perhaps stupid at the time I know) when I first got back as a kind of “to get over one you get under another” type of date (very French..it is a french saying but it rarely works unless you are in the right headspace)!
I was so hurt, bitter and twisted about what happened with Joe it was like a mercy…date( I am a woman and I have needs and for 9 months I waited for Joe and did not look elsewhere, a big part of me felt guilt when I did when I got back!). Almost a month on and he is still thinking of me (Fin boy)..nice to know…timing hey?!..Unfortunately he is flying today via Santiago to eventually arrive back in Finland his home country even though he now lives here and will be away for some time. I don’t really want another relationship so soon anyway if ever again I sometimes think! And if I am to be real about this there would not be a ‘relationship’ with either, one of them has already fallen off the planet (and I really don’t care about that quite frankly I am glad!). But this one is nice, and intelligent and very Scandinavian in his thinking and in some ways I like that because you always know where you stand…if you don’t know what I mean about that then read this passage below written by a Scandinavian man:
Dating a Scandinavian
I’ve always been fascinated by American date movies because it’s like watching some weird rituals in some far-away country I don’t know very much about. I’ve also lived in several non-Scandinavian countries for longer periods – USA, Greece, Germany and Italy, when I was young and single and thus in the dating segment. But dating was like a foreign language to me – as it is when I watch American movies and television shows. So I might have gotten the dating “rules” of your country (which might *not* be USA and therefore not part of those American movie rules) entirely wrong and am thus making a big thing out of nothing. Quoted from an old blog post by Thyra10 “so you want to date a scandinavian”. It is quite hilarious and eye opening if you have a penchant for Scandinavian men!
Below was the bellyaching I was writing as I received the text:
I know I said he doesn’t have the power to hurt me anymore, he really doesn’t, but I really miss him today and I can’t quite figure why? It feels like this stuff is a broken down record…the needle is stuck in the groove but I guess that is fair enough because when you love someone so deeply it doesn’t go away in a second.
I’ve been hoping it would, I am so impatient for it to be where I don’t think of him at all but it’s been 1 month since I walked out on him in Arizona. My beautiful friend and I discussed it at length yesterday and he had said ‘only tell me if you feel you are ready to talk about it’ he didn’t want to reopen wounds….
Bah humbug I say again…my head is obviously in mish mash today. Probably because I had nearly a bottle and a half of wine last night before I passed out, but at least I pretty much had a good night talking to a friend and we did talk about many other things after both our patience with this Joe thing had worn thin!
AND I no longer think I am actually depressed right now (even though my doctor thinks I am), just very messed up…but sorting things in my own way and in my own time. Swings and roundabouts…crossroads….and I do miss him…