I so want a Martini right now, no not to become comfortably numb again although the added bonus of that is undeniable.
The afternoon got better when I watched a documentary on TV about Susan Sontag, yet another well known American writer amongst other things (filmmaker, teacher, political activist) who lived an incredible life, her way, I will not go into detail here those who are interested can find an immense amount of information on the web and in her prolific works.
Needless to say I feel incredibly inspired when I hear the story of people like herself these wonderful creative people who are more often than not incredibly flawed yet live amazing lives. Makes me feel there is hope, in a strange way.
One of her friends described her as a person who was interested in everything and when they said that I felt my god, that is exactly how I feel, all my life I have found so many things I love to read, learn and want to know more about, do, its as if at times there is not enough time to do, learn and experience it all because of the life we are required to live, its another source of frustration for me!. I have always felt that the notion of someone being interested in everything would seem quite bizarre or crazy to others.
I have often said to close friends in conversation that at times I have avoided the company of certain people because I already know what the conversation will be and I once again will find myself bored to tears talking about the colour of the brick chosen for the home extension or Mrs Brown’s sick cat (no offence to Mrs Brown or the sick cat), or the new car the person has just bought which has an extra air bag..by god I don’t give a shit about airbags when there is so much else to discuss and yet as I write this I think about the sometimes content of my blog and say arrggghh to myself because at times I seem to be talking about Mrs Brown’s sick cat who was hit by the airbag myself oh the irony!
This evening as ideas were running through my head I felt incredible annoyance at men in particular because as I reached for a sanitary pad, YES, I AM REALLY GOING THERE…I realised that they had shaved even more centremetres off the middle of the pad which is so incredibly crazy because to me the middle is the most important part becuase it sits where what we are trying to contain is most likely to fall and I realised that when they do this there is probably no consultation at all with women in this process even if we are the ones that are the purchaser of such products yet another classic example of it being still very much a man’s world. And as you know right now I am certainly not a fan of certain men and in particular one especially.
I realise this probably appears to be quite random and inane banter right now, its a diversionary tactic as I really don’t want to think about the things I have been focusing heavily upon lately and end up in that sad dark place again and on that note I think a Martini is now in order and perhaps some music and may be even a chat via the net with friends.
No visit to the dark side tonight.