What happens in a short space of time? That feeling in the pit of my stomach?

I got up and made a cup of my favorite tea. I was feeling grateful and more positive about things. I came back to my room, grabbed my laptop with the intention of writing more about the wonderful thoughts in my head but in the meantime started reading bits of other blogs, Facebook and then that old familiar feeling of these last weeks came back.

A feeling in the pit of my stomach, a mishmash of sadness, hopelessness, pointlessness and the mild chaos that takes over my mind as the negative Rozy overtakes the positive in the war for supremacy…

It’s almost like I’m comfortable there in my own misery, its a place I have known on a regular basis since a young child where I would hear in the distance my parents screaming at each other, my father drunk and my mother shrill and I would hide in my room listening to my transister radio American top 40 or local and dream that one day my love of music and singing ability would take me out of this godforsaken hole of a life and I would be happy finally…away from this constant misery…

Things I would never have laid bare before let alone in public but as a very dear girlfriend who messaged me back and forth last night words of encouragement and support said I am working through things that this situation with Joe and its effect have brought to the forefront again and even though I could not see it I am starting to help myself into a different happier place where life will start to take on a different, stronger and happier form….her beautiful words ‘you have my hand here to help lift you up again’ ohhhh god…I need to cry again…..


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