Today was looking like yet another where I would sleep, cry, want to but not get out to the gym…which I haven’t done for nearly a couple of weeks now, unsuccessfully hide from friends, ahhh just a damn shamozzole of a day and get absolutely nothing done or achieved. And that upsets me additionally to the emotional rollercoaster I am currently on because when I decide to do things I can be like a dog at a bone..will do it til its done…A kind of it has to be all or nothing.
But as the day progressed and I found myself talking to a dear friend who is not feeling too good at the moment so I was talking him through as much as he was trying to offer me his support, and just listen to each other and my brain started to fire up again.
The synapses were firing and all kinds of ideas and wonderful scenarios were running through it whilst I was talking to him…(I am a very good multi tasker when switched on!!) and I was getting annoyed in the process because I often do this and talking to someone whilst I should be writing down my crazy ideas just frustrates me…cause I won’t be rude and say…I need to hang up my crazy ideas are more important…its just not the done thing!
So I waited and decided to enjoy and really be present in the conversation with my dear friend and it was lovely to have that time talking with him and to have the warm feeling of true friendship cloak you…I don’t know if I am describing what I mean succinctly, my thoughts still seem slightly disjointed when I write at this point…I swear it is a legacy of years of chemical intervention and depression and even though they say the brain is adept at rebuilding its neural responses and pathways I still feel like mine are shite at present!
So after my phone call with my friend I decided to do some reading and research into life, relationships, blogging, and as I read inevitably one link leads to another and you find yourself in places that at times it is spooky but you feel you’ve been lead there by some kind of divine intervention…or there is message and things you need to see and read.
So this was such a time…I ended up reading about some of the most inspirational bloggers, I clicked through to some of their sites and ultimately found myself reading about a guy who even though very successful from his early blogging days one of the things he had survived and wanted to write about to try help others was the time he planned his own suicide and how he keeps himself upright and forward moving.
He included other references from other contributors at the bottom of the article and I clicked through to those and came to an article about another successful corporate giant of a man and how he looked into the root causes of his recent depression and he found that consistently learning stimulated him and when he was not stimulated by the learning and he wasn’t being real about what he ‘spent his time on’; when life was ‘inauthentic’ or he was just going through the motions of his daily life as was expected he would become worn and tired and ultimately he found himself teetering into another depression. (I will eventually start referencing these wonderful people within my blog when I start to focus more on specific subject matter as I start to hone my blogging skills and be more in a position to help others as I do so…I am working through my ‘non depression’! Right now and trying to make my thoughts more lucid!)..
It became inspirational to me because as I went through these articles and read their stories I realised that many successful people in life are or have been highly dysfunctional at some stage of their lives and rise to do amazing things for themselves and others and the one thread I keep seeing is ‘Authenticity’….which I am starting to go on about but really am seeing as the answer to living your best life.
Over this time Joe was nowhere to be found…in my head..dammit he’s back again….:(