I am stuck here..in upperkimbuktawest (!) as per my previous rant, however, life can only get better from here I feel (fake it until you make it even!!).
I saw an amazing presentation by TED on the net about a guy 3D printing a Human kidney and the hope it will one day resolve the need for organ donation and all the associated heartache. There is so much good out there despite the stuff I am bellyaching about, when I read it and keep my mind open to other things there seems an incredible amount of hope…
Not a moment ago I got a FB Chat message from half way around the globe and I replied straight away, my Swedish friend who is in Rotterdam..this was real time?! I still am blown away by it, coming from generation snail mail and landline attached dial phones…and Wham! (See George Michael!)
Its about mindset and I’ll be buggered if I am going to allow myself to become so overwhelmed by everything it panders to the chemicals in my brain or the patterns that have been set in my mind from past. Not dismissing it by any means but somewhere the fight I have been encouraging within me is finally gaining momentum..the triumph of good over evil, the Yang to the Yin or whatbloodyever!
I am mindful of what a previous Psychiatrist, yes, Psychologist and Psychiatrist been there done that, said as he hoped to increase my dosage of antidepressant when I asked him to help me stop taking them plus add Lithium, a mood stabiliser. Yikes, a mood stabiliser, pour moi? I may be on rotation mood wise right now but with very good reasons (at times a bit like a blue arsed fly spinning in the death throes after a good whack of Fly spray) but I said to him at the time you mean you want to standardise me, you want me to be like the other zombies out there that conform to societal norms and just be damn quiet ” NO, I REFUSE, I like my individuality, I am Roz, I am fecking crazy but I don’t try to hurt others in the process and surely we need to feel to create?”…And then I walked out of his office and cancelled the rest of my appointments!
A loose cannon perhaps? Maybe a little, but as long as I don’t hurt others (ahem, Mr J DeP you psycho man) nor try to hurt myself in the process should I not have the opportunity to fix me sans Medication?! Bien Sur!
Unfortunately I am missing this aternoons party, kinda by choice but more so because yes it is hard to get the heck out of Upperkimbuktawest without the batmobile, but I intend having a nice afternoon anyway and I am enjoying listening to great songs and reading about awesome things that remind me that there is hope…everywhere you look there is hope, if your eyes are open wide enough, you have good people around you and you are clear of other influences….